Equilibrium

It really sucks when you're lost but you know what you're supposed to do. I'm sure you know what I mean. I feel that I know I should be studying but I feel lost. I feel estranged from myself and feel estranged from what I'm supposed to do. Lost as in lost in the routine, not getting back on it. I want to return to my pre-week 4 self and be excellent again. I'll do my best.

I feel like I function best on routine but have the most fun spontaneously. I think that's natural for most people. We like stability but we also like surprises and excitement. But now even non-routine is getting routinely boring. Time to return to routineness. I'll do my best.

On face value, this is already the best semester for me, only 2 days of uni, assessment tasks relatively spread out yet I'm starting to struggle. I've been drawn away by all this free time which I didn't have before. It was better during the first half where I was more involved with other activities so I didn't have time to waste. Now that it's less busy has made me more busy doing things where there is no gain. Such inefficient use of time is shameful for an economics student x( haha.